Bad Day

Not sure why today is harder than the last couple. I think everything has finally sunk in. I have been crying for stupid reasons today. I went to the grocery store a little bit ago and felt something I never thought I would. I saw about 15 pregnant women in about 10 mins time and I felt soo jealous. :( I feel so ashamed.
Then I come home, yell at David for stupid reasons. My computer is loaded with porn spam and spywear. It pissed me off. I told him to leave my computer alone. Not that he shouldn't look at porn, but the fact that we never have sex and he is aparently beating off more than he is putting out.. lmao.. If that makes any sense..
I mentioned some pretty diamond solitare earrings ::hint, hint::: that i wanted for Valentines day and he said they looked gawdy.. Ughh.. But the opal ring he bought me wasn't?? lol.. Don't get me wrong, opals are pretty, but I have other stones I take preference to.
I really think I need to find some happy pills. I know what I don't want to take. I just hate calling and getting them started..
My pain is better today, thank goodness.. I didn't wake up til 9 am because of the pain, instead of 5. Well, David wasn't in my bed, so that made a big difference.
But.. I did find a new friend. Yoplait makes a whipped yogurt.. MMMMMmm.. That would be the highlite of my day.

Another Bad Day....

Soo.. I can't sleep. I woke up at 5 am today. I was hurting pretty good and I couldn't stop thinking about the second sac :(
My mom was here with me again today. It was nice having her company. She helped me clean my room, and helped me pack up some maternity clothes and baby stuff I had dug out. I was sad when she went home.
I sent David to work as well.. We can't really afford him to be off, and If I really needed him I could call and have him come home.. It just really sucks we have no family leave pay :( He was being a dick today.. Playing on the xbox when he could have been helping my mom out. He isn't very helpful. I did get a back rub last nite though.
I have a huge sister vent, but I don't feel like typing it right now..

Thank you!

I got some pretty flowers today from my August mommies!! the UPS man scared me this morning when he knocked on my door.. I was soo surprised and soo happy it made me cry.. They are soo sweet :)
My sister and Crystal brought me a dozen roses on Monday. They are gorgeous too. an awesome pink.

The End...

Sooo.. I go in for my ultrasound this moring. My dad went in with me. They took forever and when we finally got started, the dr. was baffled.. She found TWO SACS! and the two days worth of contractions hadn't done a thing. She was mad they didn't do any tests before giving me the meds and the fact no one noticed the other sac @@.. Soo.. She tells me they aren't viable and if I wait to do it naturally I run a high risk of an infection. And since i already have "fertility" issues from the scar tissue from the stupid IUD, I need to avoid that if I want to have anymore. She thought the fever i was having was due to to the Cytotec. She scheduled me and had Dr. Boyle come back and talk with me. I went straight to the hospital and they admitted me. I called David and had him come be with me. I had the sweetest nurse and the prodedure didn't take very long.. I was home by 3 pm. and they started about 11:00. I hurt but I feel a little better.. I am very sad, but its been a long and stressfull past two weeks.

Torture

Soo.. Today, day two of no bleeding.. This is a joke. I called the ob's this morning and it took Dr. Fox most of the day to respond. They made me take the other two Cytotec's and I have an appointment tomorrow morning for another ultrasound. I have had my fever on and off all day and I feel like crap. I had to babysit today because I need the money. My mom came and took care of me and helped me with the kids. Thank goodness she did, I don't know what I would have done without her. Dr. Fox was pissed that they went ahead and gave me the contraction meds before doing any other tests. I just hope I don't have another pelvic infection.. Ughh. My poor ovaries don't need any more scar tissue. And I am soo afraid since there has been like no bleeding I will have to get a d&c, yuck.. scares the crap out of me. I took the Cytotec this afternoon and it hurt for a while, my vicodin helped. It made me spot and now that its bedtime its nearly ceased.. Ughh.. I just want this to be OVER with!!!!!!!!!!